The Life You Want: Get Motivated, Lose Weight, and Be Happy - Hardcover

Bob Greene is an exercise physiologist and certified personal trainer specializing in fitness, metabolism, and weight loss. He holds a master's degree from the University of Arizona and is a member of the American College of Sports Medicine and the American Council on Exercise. For the past seventeen years he has worked with clients and consulted on the design and management of fitness, spa, and sports medicine programs. Bob has been a guest on the Oprah Winfrey Show. He is also a contributing writer and editor for O the Oprah magazine, and writes articles on health and fitness for Oprah.com. Greene is the bestselling author of The Best Life Diet Cookbook, The Best Life Diet, Revised and Updated, The Best Life Diet, The Best Life Diet Daily Journal, The Total Body Makeover, Get With the Program!, The Get With the Program! Daily Journal, The Get With the Program! Guide to Good Eating, and Make the Connection.

Ann Kearney-Cooke, PhD,  is the director of the Cincinnati Psychotherapy Institute. She has been named a distinguished scholar for the Partnership for Women's Health at Columbia University in New York, where she developed the curriculum for the Helping Girls Become Strong Women Project. She has lectured at more than 150 conferences and written on the treatment of eating disorders, body image, and self-esteem. She was honored as a fellow by the American Psychological Association for her outstanding contributions to the psychology of women. She is the psychological expert for the monthly "Ask The Therapist" column of Shape magazine. Her work has been featured on shows such as NBC's Today, CBS's The Morning Show, and Oprah.

Janis Jibrin, M.S., R.D., is the lead nutritionist for thebestlife.com, Bob Greene’s weight loss and fitness website.  She is also a contributing editor for Self magazine, the author of The Supermarket Diet and other weight loss books, and freelances for other national magazines. In her private practice, she specializes in weight loss and eating disorders.

1
BARRIERS TO
WEIGHT LOSS
SUCCESS

By Bob Greene

ON SOME DAYS, MOTIVATION comes easily. You just feel tired of your old life and ready to make a new one for yourself. Bring on the challenge, you say to yourself, I’m ready to go. Then the next day . . . you aren’t. That inspired feeling, that drive to do things differently, has slipped through your fingers like grains of sand. Where did it go? Why do you feel a strong incentive to change one day and so unmotivated the next?

We all have barriers that can get in the way of our success. It’s part of the human condition, where nothing is simple and everything is interconnected. Messy thoughts and emotions, complex relationships, deeply imprinted habits, disquieting memories, the demands of a very complicated world—these things all conspire to set up roadblocks that make it difficult to achieve our goals. And when one of those goals is to achieve a healthier weight, our human physiological wiring also gets thrown into the mix, adding another obstacle to success. Once you get fired up about something and want to change, it should be easy to sustain that drive and enthusiasm. It should be easy, but there are many, many reasons why it’s not.

Those reasons—barriers, as I call them—are at the heart of this book. The following chapters are going to discuss them in detail and, most important, give you direction on how to overcome them. First, though, I’d like to talk about eight of those barriers that I think are particularly significant. Professionals who work in the field of weight loss find that these eight barriers are especially prevalent among people who are on the diet and exercise roller coaster. When someone continually goes on and off weight loss programs, always gaining back the weight that was lost, it’s almost certain that one or more of these obstacles are standing in his or her way. And not only do these obstacles derail healthy eating and exercise, they also erode motivation. So even if you start out gung ho for change, it’s hard to stay motivated when you are constantly hitting the equivalent of a cement wall.

While we’ll be dealing with these eight barriers in considerable depth throughout the book, I want to introduce you to them now to get you thinking about what might be the biggest challenges to your own success, and to prepare you to examine yourself on an even deeper level in the chapters to come. You may find that one or more of these eight barriers apply to you, while some of them do not. At the very least, though, reading through them may help you better grasp the concept of why losing weight isn’t just a matter of finding the right diet and exercise plan. A lot of people are quick to blame failure on the diets or exercise programs they’ve tried, believing that if they could only discover an absolutely spectacular plan, their motivation would never flag and they would achieve long-term weight loss. The truth is, that kind of thinking only distracts you from discovering what’s really preventing you from achieving a healthier weight, and it keeps you from doing the work you need to do to be successful. Taking an honest look at what you want in life and figuring out what you need to do to get there is a much better way to spend your time—and a much greater predictor of success.

Are you aware of any of the barriers that might have prevented you from losing weight in the past? Some people can accurately name the barriers they face; however, many are completely unaware of their existence. Or they’re focusing on the wrong ones. This book is all about helping you find the right ones—the barriers that are affecting you personally. Sometimes you just need someone to hold up a mirror so that you can see yourself better, and that’s our aim here. Becoming aware of what’s standing in your way is the first step toward surmounting those hurdles.

Almost everyone who has achieved something meaningful has overcome some kind of barrier. It’s a powerful experience that changes your life in profound ways. One of the critical differences between people who are successful and those who aren’t is that successful people view obstacles as a challenge. Think of basketball great Michael Jordan, who, if you can believe it, was actually cut from his high school basketball team. Albert Einstein was harshly criticized when he first presented some of his ideas, and one of America’s most beloved poets, Emily Dickinson, published little in her lifetime and was reviewed unfavorably by critics, but she kept writing nonetheless. There are countless examples of people who have not let setbacks stand in their way.

When you take action to improve your situation and overcome whatever is preventing you from losing weight, you won’t end up with just a slimmer body. You will end up with a newfound confidence and drive, an ability to take control of your life and make the things that you want in all areas of your life happen. Losing weight, while important, is the least of it. Identifying and overcoming your barriers helps you become not just a physically healthier person but also a psychologically and emotionally healthier person. That’s when you’re going to be living a much richer and more fulfilling life.

EIGHT SIGNIFICANT BARRIERS TO SUCCESS

Barrier 1: An Aversion to Discomfort and Pain

Like all creatures, we are programmed to move toward pleasure and to avoid pain. It’s part of our survival instincts. Let’s forget the pleasure half of the equation for a moment and talk about pain—or, really, its somewhat lesser cousin, discomfort. The most obvious things that cause discomfort and make it hard for people to change their eating and exercise habits are (1) the anxiety and dissatisfaction they feel when they are denied foods that their bodies crave with every inch of their being, and (2) the unpleasant (and slightly panicky) feeling that arises during exercise when their breathing accelerates and their muscles begin to throb. I want the instant gratification of my chocolate muffin. My stomach rumbles if I don’t have something to eat before bed. I don’t want to feel sweaty or my heart beating against my chest. Anyone who hates deprivation and physical exertion—and a large number of people do—is going to find it hard to stick to a plan that requires coping with both things regularly.

Everybody, though, experiences discomfort differently, and many people have a higher threshold for discomfort than others. That’s one thing that may separate those who are eventually able to lose weight and keep it off from those who can’t seem to get it right. But success—or failure—as it relates to discomfort is not quite as simple as that. Eating unhealthfully and avoiding physical activity not only lets people evade unpleasant things like chocolate withdrawal and sweaty gym clothes, it allows them to dodge dealing with uncomfortable emotional pain. For those people, especially if they’re emotional overeaters, the biggest barrier to weight loss is an aversion to the pain or discomfort of confronting personal issues.

And yet here is an odd little twist to the whole idea of how an aversion to discomfort and pain can get in the way of long-term weight loss. Angela Taylor, LCSW, a licensed psychotherapist in Los Angeles who specializes in eating disorders and weight management, points out that some people also use something they find painful—say, a feeling of self-loathing and embarrassment about being fat—to motivate them to change their eating and exercise habits. That might sound like a good thing, and it can be a good way to jump-start a program, but ultimately it may be impossible to stick with a way of life that is solely driven by such negative feelings. “In most things in life, we use pleasure to motivate us,” observes Taylor. “We reward kids with gold stars to motivate them, we give ourselves vacations for a job well done. But somehow, when it comes to weight loss, people seem to be more motivated in the beginning by things that trigger their pain center. And it’s typically not sustainable. You burn out because the natural inclination is to run away from pain.”

One exception to this viewpoint is the fear of becoming ill—or actually becoming ill. For example, suffering a heart attack (or being told by your doctor that you might if you don’t lose weight) or learning that you are prediabetic can be powerful motivators. I’ve seen many people, roused by illness or a fear of illness, suddenly adopt regular healthy behaviors after years of inconsistency. It can be the most influential motivator there is. Yet in cases where these threats don’t exist, pleasure is often a stronger motivator for changing habits. “If you can find a way to introduce pleasure into the experience, it shifts your mind-set,” says Taylor.

As it is, many people’s minds are closed to the idea that they may find some pleasure in changing old habits, and that’s often due to the “stories” they tell themselves about healthy eating and exercise: They expect it to be unpleasant, and so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Say, for instance, that you start a new job, and your coworkers gossip to you about Gary in the mailroom. “Oh, Gary is so awful.” “He has a bad temper.” “You’re going to hate Gary.” By the time you do finally meet Gary, you’re going to have him pegged because of all the stories you’ve heard about him. The poor guy isn’t going to have a chance with you.

In the same way, people often tell themselves stories about the gym and nutritious meals, dashing any hope that they’re going to find something to like about either. “The brain likes to take shortcuts. It analyzes, compares, and makes associations so that it doesn’t have to learn something new in every situation,” explains Taylor. “So if you associate the gym with pain, pretty soon just pulling into the parking lot or looking at your gym clothes is going to stir up feelings of dread. Your brain skips the middle part, so that pretty soon you only have to look at your gym clothes, and your mind thinks, Ugh.”

The good thing about the brain, though, is that it’s malleable. You can learn new, more pleasant associations, even if you have to consciously think about what those pleasant associations are: “The gym gives me a break from my family.” “I feel calmer after I’ve gone out for a brisk walk.” “If I don’t eat so much at dinner, my clothes don’t feel so uncomfortable.” And so on. In subsequent chapters, we’ll be dealing a lot with how to zero in on the pleasurable aspects of healthy living. If the barrier that’s stopping you is an aversion to discomfort, that’s going to help you move closer to success.

Barrier 2: Caught Up in the Business of Life

Our culture dictates that the more we do, the more we will get out of life. In response to this, many people work too much, commit to too many activities—and even overschedule their kids. Yet instead of feeling fulfilled and contented, they end up stressed, exhausted, and hungry. Your true hunger for rest, meaning in life, balance, and closeness with others may register as cravings for food and alcohol, and even other things, such as drugs. As the stress of being too busy increases, you can begin to feel out of control.

Being caught up in the business of life can become a huge barrier to success for several reasons. Besides making you hungry in the ways I just mentioned, it gives you the idea that you are too busy to attend to your health. It’s your out: “I can’t exercise, I can’t make healthy meals; my schedule just won’t permit it.” Yet many busy people do eat right and exercise, and one reason they’re able to do it is because they make it a priority. They find balance. But if you’re overcommitting in other areas of your life, you’re not going to achieve that balance.

People who overbook their lives often have trouble saying no, limiting time with people who stress them out, and letting go of perfectionistic standards for both themselves and others. All these things, too, stand in the way of long-term weight loss success because they make it almost impossible to find the time or an acceptable means of nurturing yourself. But nurturing yourself is not a luxury, it’s a necessity. In chapter 4, I’ll specifically address the excuse that people often use to avoid exercise: “I don’t have time.” You’ll see that, despite your busy life, you actually can work physical activity and eating nutritiously into your schedule.
Note
LOSING TO GAIN A CAREER DREAM

The signs were all there: the fact that simply turning over in bed made him out of breath, the alarming reflection of his 375-pound body in the mirror, and then his doctor mentioning the words gastric bypass. But what finally nudged Shaun Tympanick to do something about his weight was the realization that if he didn’t, his career dreams would never come true.

“I’d been a probation officer for years and was sick of it. There were these far more interesting law enforcement jobs I wanted so badly, but at my weight, there was no way I could get through police academy training,” explains Shaun, who, like many of the people you’ll be reading about throughout this book, is a participant in the National Weight Control Registry. To help him out, his brother bought him a gym membership and they went together. He focused on cardio—the treadmill, bicycle, step machine—and he and his brother became hooked on racquetball.

Meanwhile, he overhauled his diet. “I used to eat out every single night,” recalls Shaun. “A lot of it was fast food, which I cut out completely. Somewhere midway through my weight loss, I bit into a chicken nugget and it tasted like bleach. I was relieved; I’d been afraid that even tasting fast food again would make me revert back to my old ways.”

Shaun lost 155 pounds in just fourteen months. The first 100 pounds took nine months to lose; five months later, he lost the last 55. For three years, he has been maintaining at 220, which feels just right for his six-foot-three-inch frame. A year later, Shaun entered the police academy. “More than the badge and the gun, I wanted the Physical Training Award. I was the fastest guy there and could outrun anyone on the obstacle course. When the instructor presented me with the award, he couldn’t believe that I used to be so completely out of shape.”

After graduation, Shaun landed his dream job with the U.S. Department of Homeland Security. “Just because I’ve met my goals doesn’t mean I’m going to slack off,” he emphasizes. “I run seven miles straight three or four times a week. Once a year, I guest lecture a high school criminal justice class my brother teaches. I tell the students that you don’t just get fit to graduate. God forbid you have to defend yourself on the job— you need to be fit for that.” When his coworkers rib him about being a diet and exercise freak, he asks them, “If there’s a scuffle or a serious incident, who’d you rather be at your side: the fit guy or the unfit one?”

Barrier 3: Your Pleasure-Seeking Physiological Wiring

Our bodies are incredibly elegant machines. They have wiring, which was laid down about one hundred thousand years ago, that helps us avoid starvation by influencing our food preferences and appetite. That was useful to our cavemen ancestors, but, of course, most of us have little chance of starvation today. In fact, with today’s overabundance of food, this hardwiring is more of a liability than an asset.

Everyone’s brain is programmed to seek pleasure, a mechanism that encourages us to consume more high-calorie foods. Given the body’s drive to store body fat in anticipation of lean...